feeling check

I'm having one of those days where everything seems to be going wrong. or maybe I'm just weird and I have no reason to be all sad and mopey and whatever.
whatever. too bad.

but seriously, do you know how depressing it is when you get an 86% on a 265 point project that everyone else--even the kids who don't give a shit--got 95%s on? God, it's so freaking sad.
the worst part is, I totally deserved it. I should've prepped, but I didn't. yay me, my fucking french culture grade is going down to an A-. FRENCH EFFINGAIWFIOJA;WOFCISJD;FLAJW CULTURE. like wtf, how does that even happen??
I bet I'll have a good Christmas break, being killed by my parents for failing FRENCH CULTURE. mother f.

so I'm having this awesome pity party after school, and guess what I realize. I have to go to dance team. just being there makes me feel like, 20 times worse about myself. because it's hard to try to stay upbeat and happy and shit when you feel like you're making something boring. Emma and I try to make dance fun, and these girls just stand there and give us these blank looks. it's like, "fine whatever, go be a pissyface then, whatever, because it doesn't bother me." but really, it does bother me. and it's not like I can force them to have fun. I don't want this to reflect on us as bad leaders. and I'm tired of being the leader of a club/team that no one gives a crap about. like, really, at least on TV shows, some people, no matter how rejected they are from the rest of the school, still care. and yeah, I know life isn't a TV show. but it should be. geez.

and me being angry and annoyed and all that just comes out in the form of tears, and bitchiness. I'm really good at taking my anger out on people. but I'm trying not to do that, so I'm listening to angry-people music. except guess what? I have no angry-people music. you'd think that having an iPod for 3+ years would help me accumulate all kinds of music, but no. it's all happy cheery perky stuff that I can't stand listening to when I'm feeling like crap.
and I don't want any of that inspirational "feel better" stuff. I want that "I'm angry at the world and I want to just sit in a corner and keep feeling bad for myself" stuff.

and to add to that, I'm so freaking sore. whoever said exercise relieves pain and stress and whatever clearly doesn't know what they're talking about.

on a side note, I had a good Thanksgiving break and the Friday before that.
Friday:
saw New Moon with Jamie, Mallika, Zanah, Priya, Aamna, Lilly, Elisia, and Ramina. it's much better than Twilight. the acting is a lot less forced and stuff.
oh and all those wolf guys were hot too. hahh
Wednesday:
I sat around the house and ate and caught up on the sleep I've lost probably since I started high school. then I helped my mom prep for the dinner party.
Thursday:
we had Iris and Julianne and Jason over for dinner. it was kind of awkward, because there's nothing to do around my house. plus I'm not a very interesting person to begin with, so it was like *awkward silence* all at first. but I guess the night turned out okay. we all ate a ton. dinner was kind of funny because we had pretty much everything but turkey...beef stew, roasted chicken, rack of lamb, some kind of salmon--smoked?, mashed potatoes, fried shrimp...
and then we hung out in the basement. air hockey and a game of awkward charades/pictionary. Iris had to act out "diaper rash." lol.
then there was Yes Man. it's a funny movie. "I am gone-orrhea." hahhah
around 12-ish, everyone but Iris left, and we ooVoo'd with Bing and Jenn Chang. those two kept me up until 2 AM :P
Black Friday:
I woke up at 5:30 to go Black Friday shopping with Priya at Lakeside and Partridge Creek. and the Target and Old Navy right nearby. the sales were disappointing, except at H&M. I got yoga pants, a couple shirts, some slipper socks, a DVD, UMich slippers for my daddy, and shampoo.
while we were driving home, we had an interesting encounter with a couple guys who decided to almost cut me off. they were fun kids. hah, enough said.
Then I went to Julianne's house for another dinner party, because it was her dad's birthday. we didn't really do anything except for stare at the TV. we spent pretty much all of our time playing Wii. I fail at Wii Tennis. and Mario Kart. and all those other Wii games. I got a nice nap though, in between playing video games, since I got pretty much no sleep the night before.
Saturday:
didn't do much. I think I slept a lot and then watched part of The Proposal online. then I caught up on the Desperate Housewives episode I missed and downloaded Windows 7. and while that was loading, I got my dad to watch 21 for the first time. he liked it :]
Sunday:
I slept a lot again 'cause 21 ended at like 1:30 AM, and then ate a lot of this really good Mexican-type soup. then I went back to sleep because I was so bored. then I woke up and ate. then I went to pick up takeout with my mom. then I ate dinner. then I did pretty much nothing except feel sad that break is over.

overall, it was a good break.
but now it's making me feel all depressed because it's over, and I had a crappy day today.

yay feelings. they just make life so enjoyable.